Tag Archive for "love and loss"

Posts Tagged ‘love and loss’

On Lighting a Yizkor or Yartziet Candle

Posted on: September 22nd, 2016 by Alden

This is a simple new meditation, appropriate for both Yizkor and a Yartziet, to be said before or after lighting a memorial candle. The language is inclusive, accessible to persons of all faiths. Let all who mourn find peace. This piece appears in my book This Grateful Heart: Psalms and Prayers for a New Day from CCAR Press.

On Lighting a Memorial Candle
A candle.
A flame.
A memory.

G-d of generations,
Grant a perfect rest under Your tabernacle of peace
To ____________________ (name),
Who has left this life and this world.
Let his/her/their soul find comfort.
Let his/her/their memory be a blessing.

This candle is for healing,
This flame is for hope,
Calling forth our joys and sorrows,
Calling forth our hours and our days.

G-d of our ancestors,
Bring me and my family solace and consolation
In this moment of remembrance.
Let all who mourn find peace.

Postscript: Here’s a link to my other yizkor prayers and prayers of mourning. Thanks to Rabbi Paul Kipnes for suggesting that I write a new prayer for lighting a memorial candle.

Please check out my Meet the Author video and This Grateful Heart: Psalms and Prayers for a New Day. For reprint permissions and usage guidelines and reprint permissions, see “Share the Prayer!” To receive my latest prayers via email, please subscribe (on the home page). You can also connect on Facebook and Twitter.

For My Children as I Enter Hospice Care

Posted on: January 27th, 2016 by Alden

This is prayer of contemplation and love for a difficult moment that forces a family to recognize the fragility of life and inevitability of death. It appears in my book, Jewish Prayers of Hope and Healing. Optional inserts appear in [brackets]. Fill in details using the blank lines and following the instructions in (parentheses).

For My Children as I Enter Hospice Care
My G-d,
In the days ahead,
[The weeks and the months,]
I will face challenges as I surrender to _____________ (name of the disease).
My heart and my hopes,
My love and my questions,
Also turn toward my children [and grandchildren].
How will they cope?
How will they continue?
How will their experience of my passing
Shape their lives?

This I pray:
In the time that remains,
Let me be a source of love,
A light of comfort,
A lamp of hope,
A well of blessings.
Grant me the ability to care for my children,
Even as they yearn to provide support and understanding for me.

[Optional insert: Repeat the following paragraph for each child]
Bless my child ___________ (child’s name)
Who _____________ (thoughts about what he/she is feeling now)
With _____________ (specific concerns and prayer for that child).

G-d of health and healing,
Watch over my children
In their hour of need.
Watch over them when I have departed.
Let our love for each other
Shine brightly through the days ahead,
So that it lasts beyond the length of my days,
As a testimony to your Holy Name.

Postscript: Here are two additional prayers about entering hospice. Other healing prayers from Jewish Prayers of Hope and Healing include: “For Surgery,” “Upon Recovery from Surgery,” “For a Critically-Ill Child,” “For a Critically-Ill Mother,” “For a Critically Ill Father” and “For Healing the Spirit.”

Please consider making a contribution to support this site and my writing. For usage guidelines and reprint permissions, see “Share the Prayer!” For notices of new prayers, please subscribe. You can also connect on Facebook and Twitter.

Photo Source: Here Women Talk

Chukat: Living Waters

Posted on: June 21st, 2015 by Alden

In Chukat, this week’s parasha, the prophet Miriam dies. After she’s buried, the scene abruptly shifts to the lack of water in the wilderness. We’re left wondering: How did the people mourn her loss? To get water, G-d tells Moses to gather the people and speak with a rock. Instead, Moses strikes the rock with his staff. Water pours out. Rabbi Sharyn Henry notes that Moses hasn’t yet mourned for Miriam. Striking the rock, she says, is his reaction to unexpressed grief. The water and his tears are the same. This prayer is based on Rabbi Henry’s midrash.

Living Waters
Let the well of living waters
Flow through me
From the Source,
From ancient pools
Of holiness and light,
Ancient pools that sustain the body
And soothe the heart.

My grief has turned
My heart to stone,
My sorrow and loneliness
Have hardened my veins.
Crack me open with Your divine rod.
Release my tears with your staff.
Let me know wholeness
And peace,
Once again.

Postscript: As a result of striking the rock, Moses is denied entry to the Promised Land. Rabbis have struggled with explaining why so small a sin would yield so major a punishment. One common explanation is that, with his act, Moses diminished a miracle of G-d. I propose taking Rabbi Henry’s midrash a step further to explain Moses’ punishment, as well. Moses has a direct and intimate relationship with G-d; we’re told that that relationship is unlike any that came before or will come after. Instead of turning to G-d for healing, Moses holds his grief inside and finally lashes out. He, of all people, should have known to turn to G-d. Perhaps his sin can be understood as withdrawing from G-d. For Moses, that would be quite a sin, indeed.

Photo Source: Diodocs

Passing of a Beloved Pet

Posted on: December 21st, 2014 by Alden

When a beloved pet passes away, many of us struggle with the loss of a dear, loving presence, the loss of companionship and a true friend. Optional language appears in [brackets], including a request for forgiveness if the pet needed to be euthanized. Blanks are for including the pet’s name and the type of pet. Other choices are shown with a slash (“/”). This is a photo of my daughter’s cat Lovie, who recently passed away. This prayer appears in This Grateful Heart: Psalms and Prayers for a New Day from CCAR Press.

Passing of a Beloved Pet
In sorrow and love
I/We remember ______________ (pet’s name)
Our beloved __________ (type of pet: dog, cat, etc.)
Who provided [years of] companionship
And endless joy.
You were more than a pet to me/us,
Becoming a member of my/our family,
Providing consolation in times of loss,
Giving me/us laughter and delight
And a sense of well-being,
Rich with memories,
Rich in love.
The pain is deep.
The empty space,
Too wide to comprehend.

[Forgive me/us, dear ______________ (pet’s name),
For my/our decision to remove you from
The suffering you endured.
We/I did it with deep sorrow
Placing kindness for you above
My/Our desire for more time together.]

G-d of the bereaved,
Grant me/us find solace in the days ahead,
And peace of mind as time passes.
Let my/our memories of the time/years together
With ______________ (pet’s name)
Be an endless source of wonder
In tribute to his/her memory.

Rest in peace.

Postscript: This appears in my new book This Grateful Heart: Psalms and Prayers for a New Day from CCAR Press. Here’s a list of memorial and yizkor prayers, many of which appear in my book, Jewish Prayers of Hope and Healing.

Please check out my Meet the Author video and This Grateful Heart: Psalms and Prayers for a New Day. Please consider making a contribution to support this site and my writing. For usage guidelines and reprint permissions, see “Share the Prayer!” To receive my latest prayers via email, please subscribe (on the home page). You can also connect on Facebook and Twitter.

Photo Source: Nikki Braziel-Solovy

After an Accidental Death: A Yizkor Prayer

Posted on: December 7th, 2014 by Alden

This is another in a series of focused yizkor prayers to help acknowledge particular circumstances surrounding the death of a loved one, such as: “In Memory of an Organ Donor,” “At the Hand of Violence,” “Yizkor for a Lone Soldier” and “At the Hand of Anti-Semitism.” May the memory of the righteous be a blessing.

After an Accidental Death: A Yizkor Prayer
G-d of secrets,
Source and shelter,
Grant a perfect rest under your tabernacle of peace
To ______________________ (name),
My [father / mother / sister / brother / child / wife / dear one/ friend]
Whose life was cut off without warning,
In a moment of inconceivable horror,
Cut down [in the fullness of life / in his/her prime /before we were ready].
Even in this darkness,
Even in this grief and void that seem beyond repair,
Help us to remember his/her wisdom, talents and skills,
Our times together,
Our joy, laughter and tears.
Let our memories continue to bless us
Even as we pray for him / her to find peace
In the world to come.
May his / her soul be bound up in the bond of life,
A living blessing in our midst.

Postscript: Here is a list of memorial and yizkor prayers, many of which appear in my book, Jewish Prayers of Hope and Healing.

Photo Source: WikiMedia Commons

Fire and Water

Posted on: August 31st, 2014 by Alden

Love and despair can be like fire. Truth can be like water, keeping the fires that fuel our emotions – the passions that make us human – in the proper balance. This is a quick meditation on love, despair and truth.

Fire and Water
One day
The fire of despair
Will sear your aching heart.
And when you wake
From this dream of death
You will feel a vital new organ
Beating in your chest.

G-d of Old,
Let the fires of grief
Lift me toward You.

One day
The fire of love
Will sear your longing eyes.
And when you wake
From this dream of life
You will see a vital new light
Shining from your face.

G-d of Old,
Let the fires of joy
Lift me toward You.

One day
The still waters of truth
Will sooth your yearning soul.
And when you enter G-d’s word
You will surrender to awe and majesty,
Holiness will fill your hands
With righteousness and charity,
Hope and peace will follow in your path.
And your life will shimmer with holiness.

Postscript: See also “The Cut that Heals” and “Witnessing: A Meditation,” as well as “Doubt,” “Fear,” “Anger,” “Shame.” Please take a moment to learn about my book, Jewish Prayers of Hope and Healing.

Photo Source: U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service National Digital Library

This Watching, This Waiting (Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s or Dementia)

Posted on: February 19th, 2014 by Alden

This is a prayer to be said by the spouse or partner of someone whose Alzheimer’s disease, Parkinson’s disease or dementia has progressed to the point where physical abilities, memory and/or cognition deteriorate drastically. It recognizes the pain of watching as a disease strips away the essence of your beloved. It’s one of four related prayers that appear in my new book, Jewish Prayers of Hope and Healing.

This Watching, This Waiting (Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s or Dementia)
This watching,
G-d of Old,
This watching my [husband/wife/spouse/partner]
Slowly lose himself/herself to disease
Is a grief beyond my imagination.
Talents and personality,
Plans and dreams,
Moments of conversation,
Moments of pleasure,
Departing stage-by-stage.

Who is this person inhabiting his/her body?
Where are your memories of our life together?

This waiting,
G-d of Old,
This waiting for the next loss to come
Is a grief beyond my imagination.
Grant me strength and wisdom,
Fortitude and courage,
As the days pass,
As the waiting continues,
As I pray for his/her consolation and peace.

Postscript: Here are links to related prayers: “To a Spouse/Partner on Diagnosis with Alzheimer’s or Parkinson’s Disease” and “Diagnosis with Alzheimer’s or Dementia” and “Diagnosis with Parkinson’s Disease.” Here are prayers for “R’fuat HaNefesh” and “For Healing the Spirit.” All of these prayers appear in my new book, Jewish Prayers of Hope and Healing.

For usage guidelines and reprint permissions, see “Share the Prayer!” For notices of new prayers, please subscribe. You can also connect on Facebook and Twitter. If you like this prayer, please post a link to Facebook, your blog or mention it in a tweet.

Photo Source: USPS

Diagnosis with Parkinson’s Disease

Posted on: January 26th, 2014 by Alden

This is a prayer to be said upon receiving the diagnosis of Parkinson’s Disease. This difficult disease contains a certain element of cruelty that’s addressed head on by this prayer and others in my series of prayers on Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s and dementia, including: “To a Spouse/Partner on Diagnosis with Alzheimer’s or Parkinson’s Disease” and “Diagnosis with Alzheimer’s or Dementia.” This series of prayers appear in my book, Jewish Prayers of Hope and Healing.

Diagnosis with Parkinson’s Disease
In stages,
I am told,
In stages I will lose control of my body
And then my mind,
Losing my ability to care for myself
And to hold on to my memories.

G-d of compassion,
Stand with me in the days ahead.
I am [frightened/angry/sad /confused/defiant][add a description of your emotions].
Grant me time to remain
Mentally, physically, spiritually and emotionally present
For my family,
For my friends,
And for myself.

Grant healing power to my treatments
To keep this disease at bay.
Give my physicians knowledge and insight
And my caregivers skill and perseverance.
Grant scientists and researchers tools and understanding
To develop new treatments,
Speedily, in our day.

Ancient One,
I need Your care,
Your consolation,
And Your loving hand.

G-d of old,
You are my Rock and Redeemer.

Postscript: Here are prayers for “R’fuat HaNefesh” and “For Healing the Spirit.” Please consider purchasing my new book, Jewish Prayers of Hope and Healing.

Photo Source: parkinsonsresource.org

Diagnosis with Alzheimer’s or Dementia

Posted on: December 22nd, 2013 by Alden

Here’s a prayer to be said on receiving the difficult diagnosis of Alzheimer’s disease or dementia. One of the ironies of this prayer is that it anticipates an early diagnosis, at least early enough that one might be able to understand, read and say this prayer. The same is true of my prayer “To a Spouse/Partner on Diagnosis with Alzheimer’s or Parkinson’s Disease.” This is one of several prayers addressing Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s diseases, as well as dementia, that appear in my new book, Jewish Prayers of Hope and Healing.

Diagnosis with Alzheimer’s or Dementia
In stages,
I am told,
In stages I will lose my words,
My memories,
My ability to care for myself,
My connection with my family,
My connection with myself.

Ancient One,
I need Your care,
Your consolation,
And your loving hand.
G-d of old,
You are my Rock and Redeemer.

Postscript: Here are prayers for “R’fuat HaNefesh” and “For Healing the Spirit.” Please consider purchasing my new book, Jewish Prayers of Hope and Healing.

Photo Source: Forget Me Not

To a Spouse/Partner on Diagnosis with Alzheimer’s or Parkinson’s Disease

Posted on: October 7th, 2013 by tobendlight

How painful is it to know that you’ll slowly lose your memories, your personality, your understanding of who you are in this world? And how painful is it to know the impact it will have on your spouse or partner? There is an element of what appears to be cruelty in this disease. This prayer is one antidote for that cruelty. It’s a prayer of love and gentleness to be said together, the one with the diagnosis and his or her beloved. This is one of several prayers addressing Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s diseases that appear in my new book, Jewish Prayers of Hope and Healing.

To a Spouse/Partner on Diagnosis with Alzheimer’s or Parkinson’s Disease
My darling,
Dear _________________ [Name],
The doctors say that I will be leaving,
Perhaps slowly,
In stages,
[First losing control of my body and then]
Retreating into my mind,
Visiting with you less and less.
It is not my choice to say goodbye.
It is our path.

G-d of compassion,
Watch over my [husband/wife/spouse/partner]
In the months and years ahead.
Give her/him the strength to live
To love and to mourn
As we lose each other to this disease.
Grant her/him courage and peace of mind
As we face difficult decisions and difficult moments together
And, in time, she/he faces them without me.

My love,
It is not my choice to leave.
It is not my choice to depart.
It is not my choice to disappear.
Forgive me when my disease
Speaks words of anger or pain.
Remember my devotion to you.
Remember our love and our lives for both of us,
Our joys, our hopes, our dreams.

G-d of compassion,
Bless my [husband/wife/spouse/partner]
In her/his hours of loss and grief.
And grant her/him a life of wonder and awe
In the years ahead.

Postscript: I wonder if this prayer can be used by the spouse or partner during the late stages of these diseases? In other words, would I be able to say this prayer and hear it in the voice of my loved one? Here are prayers for “R’fuat HaNefesh” and “For Healing the Spirit.” Please consider purchasing my new book, Jewish Prayers of Hope and Healing.

Please check out my ELItalk video, “Falling in Love with Prayer,” and This Grateful Heart: Psalms and Prayers for a New Day. For reprint permissions and usage guidelines and reprint permissions, see “Share the Prayer!” To receive my latest prayers via email, please subscribe (on the home page). You can also connect on Facebook and Twitter.

Photo Source: Fire Fighters with Parkinson’s Disease

Posts Tagged ‘love and loss’

On Lighting a Yizkor or Yartziet Candle

For My Children as I Enter Hospice Care

Chukat: Living Waters

Passing of a Beloved Pet

After an Accidental Death: A Yizkor Prayer

Fire and Water

This Watching, This Waiting (Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s or Dementia)

Diagnosis with Parkinson’s Disease

Diagnosis with Alzheimer’s or Dementia

To a Spouse/Partner on Diagnosis with Alzheimer’s or Parkinson’s Disease

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