Posts Tagged ‘sorrow’

 

Death of a Horrible Relative

Posted on: February 12th, 2017 by Alden

imageWhen family members die, we strive to remember the best moments of their lives. We must also recognize the complexity of mourning when a person has suffered trauma at hand of a newly-departed relative. Although a response to death, this is a personal prayer of healing. It is intended for private use. Optional verses appear in [brackets]. Alternative word choices are separated with a slash (“/”).

Death of a Horrible Relative
Dad/Mom/_________ (other relative, name or relationship),
So many moments of pain,
So many chances for healing that you abandoned,
So much suffering that you caused,
And now, you are dead.
What is it that I/we mourn?
The dad/mom/_________ (other relative) we never had?
The loss of so much time and energy
To the misery you caused?
The hope that one day you would become
A person of integrity and valor,
Kindness and love?

As in life,
Your death brings mixed emotions,
Different for each of us in our family as we grapple to understand,
As we grapple to find comfort and peace.

G-d of Old,
[Where were You when our family needed healing?]
[Where were You in the pain the sorrow?]
Help me to let go of the false hopes and empty promises
That never came to be.
Teach me to accept my past as it was
So I can embrace a richer tomorrow.
Teach me to release my anger and pain
So that I may lead a life of awe and wonder,
Full of joy and laughter.
Help me to move on.
[Help me to forgive. So that one day I can say:]
May his/her soul be bound up in the bond of life,
[At long last,]
A living blessing in our midst.

© 2017 Alden Solovy and tobendlight.com. All rights reserved.

Postscript: See also “Grieving the Living.” Here’s a link to all of my Yizkor and memorial prayers.

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Photo Source: Alden Solovy

After Miscarriage or Stillbirth

Posted on: January 17th, 2016 by Alden

Couple griefThis prayer, to be said by a woman after a miscarriage or stillbirth, attempts to capture the pain and grief following this devastating loss. It asks G-d to witness the sorrow and begin the healing. Since some may not feel the potential for healing, there’s an optional line in [brackets] to honor that sentiment.

After Miscarriage or Stillbirth
Source and Shield,
You have made my body
To be a fountain of life,
A well of strength,
To take seed into the warmth of my womb,
To feed and hold,
To love and shelter,
To awaken new life.

Oh grief,
I am stripped bare,
The cradle of my body empty,
My heart bereft.

Oh sorrow,
My soul yearns, aches, weeps
For the one who will never rest in my arms.

Oh G-d,
Witness my distress,
My suffering and loss.
When will the days bring comfort and rest?
When will the nights bring solace and peace?
Hear my prayer.
Lead me on a path,
G-d of our mothers,
G-d of generations,
[A path that now seems so distant, so remote,]
A path of wholeness and healing.

© 2016 Alden Solovy and tobendlight.com. All rights reserved.

Postscript: Here are other prayers of grief: “Loss of Pregnancy,” “Loss of Pregnancy (Husband/Partner),” “Hard Mournings,” “After Shiva” and “For the Bereaved.” Many of these prayers appear in my book, Jewish Prayers of Hope and Healing.

Please consider making a contribution to support this site and my writing. For usage guidelines and reprint permissions, see “Share the Prayer!” For notices of new prayers, please subscribe. You can also connect on Facebook and Twitter.

Photo Source: Blunt Moms

Hard Mournings

Posted on: August 9th, 2015 by Alden

YahrzeitThis is a prayer about the rhythm of mourning. Those first days – perhaps months or more – are often reminders of sorrow, emptiness and loneliness, especially in the quiet times. The closing line is a reference to Psalm 30:12: “You turned my mourning into dancing; You removed my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness.” This piece appears in This Grateful Heart: Psalms and Prayers for a New Day from CCAR Press.

Hard Mournings
Mornings are the toughest,
That between time
When I’m not quite awake,
When my mind settles
Back to the familiarity and
The certainty of you.
Until I remember your passing.
Hard mornings,
Hard mournings,
Blend into evenings
Of solitude and sorrow.

Perhaps I’m wrong.
Evenings are the problem,
When the quiet crushes my breath
And the growing darkness
Shadows my heart
Until blessed sleep
Descends from heaven.

Mornings are the toughest
New beginnings,
Each day an echo of loss.
Evenings are the roughest reminders
Of your absence.
Each night a hollow silence,
Emptiness in the space you once held.

One day
I will breathe again.
The Soul of the Universe
Will turn my sorrow into dancing.
I will remove this sackcloth
And live again.

© 2017 CCAR Press from This Grateful Heart: Psalms and Prayers for a New Day

Postscript: Here’s an annotated list of my yizkor, memorial and mourning prayers.

Please check out my ELItalk video, “Falling in Love with Prayer,” and This Grateful Heart: Psalms and Prayers for a New Day. For reprint permissions and usage guidelines and reprint permissions, see “Share the Prayer!” To receive my latest prayers via email, please subscribe (on the home page). You can also connect on Facebook and Twitter.

Photo Source: Nahalot

Grieving the Living

Posted on: October 11th, 2014 by Alden

661px-SadnessThis prayer is for those grieving the emotional or spiritual loss of someone still living: a parent whose child no longer wants a relationship, or a teen whose parents have been lost in alcoholism for years. The idea was sparked when I heard a young woman in a support group say: “You people who’ve lost loved ones, you’re lucky. Some of us have lost our parents, but they’re still living. At least you can grieve and get on with it. We just go on suffering the loss with the ridiculous hope that one day things will get better.” Optional lines appear [in brackets]. This prayer will appear in my forthcoming book, Prayers from the Heart of Darkness.

Grieving the Living
G-d of Old,
Grief holds me,
Sadness deep in my bones,
A yearning to fill the hole
In my broken heart.
[My parents, who do not love.]
[My child, who cut me off.]
[My friend, who disappeared.]
[My brother, a river of anger.],
[My sister, a well of judgment.]
[My ______, who _________.]

This longing for what has never been,
For what [may/can] never be,
Consumes me.
How can I move beyond this sorrow
When I still can hope?
How can I move beyond this pain
When I can still dream?
[I wonder,
Wouldn’t my life be better
If he/she/they were dead, G-d forbid?
I could grieve and move on.
Then my guilt and shame set in.]

G-d of Wisdom,
Teach me to let go
Of false hopes and empty promises
So I can trust again, love again, hope again.
Teach me to accept my past as it was
So I can embrace a richer tomorrow.
Teach me to release my anger and pain
So that I may lead a life of awe and wonder,
Full of joy and laughter.

Blessed are You, Creator of life,
You heal the broken spirit with love.

© 2014 Alden Solovy and tobendlight.com. All rights reserved.

Postscript: Here’s a list of memorial and yizkor prayers, many of which appear in my book, Jewish Prayers of Hope and Healing.

Please consider making a contribution to support this site and my writing. For usage guidelines and reprint permissions, see “Share the Prayer!” For notices of new prayers, please subscribe. You can also connect on Facebook and Twitter.

Photo Source: Sasha Wolf/Wikimedia Commons

 

Tears

Posted on: January 12th, 2014 by Alden

Feuerbach_Mirjam_2I spent the morning thinking about tears. Women’s tears. With a backdrop of planning a shiur to commemorate the fifth anniversary of Ami’s z”l death, I learned the story of a friend and the deaths of her three children. Then, remembering the car accident that killed a toddler in South Jerusalem just a few weeks ago, the essay about the end of sheloshim for Superman Sam Sommer z”l played in my mind. I thought about the tears of joy Ami would cry if she could see our daughters now. And the tears of sadness she is surely crying because she is not here with us. This meditation is the result.

The last three lines are an allusion to my respect for the Women of the Wall and all women who pioneer expression of Judaism in their lives and the role of women as leaders, teachers, rabbis and scholars for Klal Yisroel.

Tears
The Mothers of Israel
Pass their tears
From generation to generation:
The grief and the longing,
The hope and surrender,
The breathless yearning,
Gifted mother to daughter
For millennia.

Daughters of Israel,
Your tears are a prayer,
An offering on the altar of our lives,
Rising to the Gates of Righteousness,
Summoning Sarah and Miriam,
Leah and Tamar, Rebecca and Dinah,
Rachel and Channa, Deborah and Penina,
Esther, Ruth and the daughters of Zelophehad,
Matriarchs and prophets, leaders and teachers,
The entire tent of women throughout the ages
To cry out:

Heal us, G-d of old.
Shelter us, G-d of love.
Make us whole.

Sisters of Israel,
You are our light.
You are our heartbeat.
Your sorrows are our plea
Before the Gates of Mercy.
Lead us into prayer.
Lead us from darkness to light.
Lead us in service to G-d’s Holy Name.

© 2014 Alden Solovy and tobendlight.com. All rights reserved.

Postscript: I am, to a degree, uncomfortable with the gender bias in this piece. Yet something feels true about it: that there’s a special character to women’s tears. My intent is to honor that character without diminishing the importance of men’s tears and emotions. I also wonder if the piece overuses references to the names of Biblical women or if the order of the names is disconcerting, taking the reader out of the prayer. I encourage your comments on these two issues. This meditation is a reflection of an idea I wrote about in piece of flash fiction called “Chava bat Chana.” Here are two more short, story stories about strong and spiritual Jewish women: “Sarah Rivkah: A Challah Baking Story” and “Bracha Simcha.”

Please consider making a contribution to support this site and my writing. For usage guidelines and reprint permissions, see “Share the Prayer!” For notices of new prayers, please subscribe. You can also connect on Facebook and Twitter. If you use or like this prayer, please post a link to Facebook, your blog or mention it in a tweet.

Photo Source: WikiMedia Commons

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